Monday, June 25, 2007
Great Conversations
In a social scene, we find that some people can converse easily with others while others have difficulties doing so. For some, the conversation can carry on from one topic to the other, whereas for others, the conversation ended too soon. Obviously, there are some people who are more reserved and inward looking thereby limiting their ability or their wish to carry out prolonged conversation. For most others, they just seem to wish to be seen as sociable, or knowledgeable and they talk non-stop often to the annoyance of the others.
I have since learned a few things about engaging in a conversation. First, conversation is a two way communication process. Even if the conversation is about an interesting topic, which we know a lot about, it is important not to speak all the time and to allow other to speak. In a normal social conversation (as oppose to lecturing or giving a speech, one should aim at speaking 30% and listening to the other 70% of the time. I often find a lot of people ask questions and then proceed to answer those questions themselves. This is because they just simply do not wish to hear the answers. Whether it is a statement or it is a question, they just want to talk. If we ask a question, we need to pause to allow the other to have time to answer it. Some people may be slow in reacting to a question, while others may want to think over the question before saying something. Therefore to ensure a good conversation, one must be patient and allow time for the other to speak.
It is also important not to hijack the conversation. We must be patient and pay attention to listening when someone is talking on a certain topic. We need to refrain from interrupting and proceed to talk about what we know or to change the topic abruptly. It is important not to behave like Mr. Know-All and starts giving advice or passing judgement as if we are teachers giving lectures to the students. It is important to respect other people’s opinion and not to allow disagreement on an issue becoming personal. Above all, it is essential not to enter into an argument. After all, it is a conversation.
When asking a question, it is necessary to make it easy to understand so that the other person has a reasonable chance to response. Unless we know the other person very well, ask generic questions that can be easily answered. We should try not to be invasive by asking questions that are too personal. Conversation that appears to be an interrogating is definitely not fun.
Observe the other person’s body language to judge whether it is time to stop talking. You know it when the person you are talking to is looking at his/her watch or is looking elsewhere. Contrary to most people think, a person who is good in conversation is one who listens more than he/she talks.
I have since learned a few things about engaging in a conversation. First, conversation is a two way communication process. Even if the conversation is about an interesting topic, which we know a lot about, it is important not to speak all the time and to allow other to speak. In a normal social conversation (as oppose to lecturing or giving a speech, one should aim at speaking 30% and listening to the other 70% of the time. I often find a lot of people ask questions and then proceed to answer those questions themselves. This is because they just simply do not wish to hear the answers. Whether it is a statement or it is a question, they just want to talk. If we ask a question, we need to pause to allow the other to have time to answer it. Some people may be slow in reacting to a question, while others may want to think over the question before saying something. Therefore to ensure a good conversation, one must be patient and allow time for the other to speak.
It is also important not to hijack the conversation. We must be patient and pay attention to listening when someone is talking on a certain topic. We need to refrain from interrupting and proceed to talk about what we know or to change the topic abruptly. It is important not to behave like Mr. Know-All and starts giving advice or passing judgement as if we are teachers giving lectures to the students. It is important to respect other people’s opinion and not to allow disagreement on an issue becoming personal. Above all, it is essential not to enter into an argument. After all, it is a conversation.
When asking a question, it is necessary to make it easy to understand so that the other person has a reasonable chance to response. Unless we know the other person very well, ask generic questions that can be easily answered. We should try not to be invasive by asking questions that are too personal. Conversation that appears to be an interrogating is definitely not fun.
Observe the other person’s body language to judge whether it is time to stop talking. You know it when the person you are talking to is looking at his/her watch or is looking elsewhere. Contrary to most people think, a person who is good in conversation is one who listens more than he/she talks.
